My Struggles When I Became A Stay at Home Mom
Y’all I prayed. I prayed desperate prayers to the Lord. I wanted to stay home with my children. I wanted to care for them, instruct them, and love on them day in and day out.
My work schedule really wasn’t too bad. I was a nurse working an average of two 12 hour night shifts a week. My biggest challenges were significant loss of sleep, keeping babysitters lined up if my husband as at the firestation and missing them…a lot.
At the time, I was homeschooling with my fourth baby on the way. The anxiety began to slowly bubble up inside as I wondered and anticipated the new juggling act that lay before me. I continued my earnest prayers for peace and to help us find a way to get me home full-time. It was a true desire in my heart.
Fast forward a bit to 3 months after sweet Easton’s birth.
It was time for mama to go back to work. We had crunched the numbers several times and both agreed the timing was not quite right…so off I went.
It never mattered which baby I was leaving for the first time the tears never ceased to fall. Once to the hospital the tears dried quickly and I got into nurse mode. My husband and all the children did great, and baby boy took his bottle like a champ. Hearing of the night’s success settled my broken heart.
The following week came the same routine. I left my babies, cried, rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his step. Proverbs 16:9
Four hours into my shift my little guy had been screaming and refusing to take his bottle. (He was exclusively breastfed.) My cool, calm ,and collected husband called in a panic, as you can imagine. My heart began to race as my postpartum hormones took over while hearing my baby scream on the other end of the phone. I quickly managed my plan to get my patients taken care of and handed off to another nurse. I got home around midnight and found them on the porch…The baby crying and my husband exhausted.
To make a very long story short, little man never took a bottle ever again! We tried many different bottles, tips, and tricks. He wasn’t having it.
Deep underneath the frustration and fear lied my answered prayer, all I had ever wanted, and prayed for so long. I was officially home with my children full-time, out of necessity. Completely not how I expected it, but isn’t that the way the Lord works?
We were both overwhelmed with gratefulness that I was home… yet ya still gotta pay the bills!
My husband, being the rock star that he is, set off to do any kind of work you could imagine. He cut grass, moved furniture, cleaned out basements, landscaped, helped maintain and repair septic systems, excavated…the list goes on and on. He worked his butt off and God continued to bless him with more and more work.
We were praising God for His blessings, but y’all I’m gonna be honest…it was really hard for me, hard for both of us.
Ya see, when I was working we shared a lot of the responsibilities of the household. When I came home he had to make the living. We both felt pressure in different ways. It was a big life adjustment with four children under the age of 6, and I missed my husband a lot.
We had many arguments that first year. I needed him home to help me, but as the provider he knew he had to get out there and make it happen.
God knew and saw things we didn’t, just as He always does.
My husband has had the opportunity to start businesses, get certifications, and has introduced our family to many wonderful people and resources.
I have learned to fully rely on God. I have been able to pour my heart into homeschooling our children and have turned our house into a home. I have had the opportunity to befriend so many other women by being available to form relationships.
Our marriage has blossomed as we went through the growing pains. We are now on the same team, understanding one another. The transition was tough and stressful, but the Lord continued to mold and shape.
When you find yourself struggling or trying to, “crunch the numbers” to make something happen, remember God is in the process of directing you steps every.single.day. His plans are great, with big pictures…we must trust in Him, trust the process as He reveals plans we never dreamed of.
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