Why Wait? Part 1 (Marriage)
The newest trend is to WAIT to get married. Even people who find their soul mate are having longer and longer engagements or are putting off engagement until they get closer to that, “Perfect date.” They have in mind to party with family and friends and celebrate their final commitment. My question is, why? I obviously am biased as I got married at 18 years old. Don’t get me wrong, we have had our ups and downs, but by God’s grace are still going strong. In generations past people got married young, it was the norm. Now when you announce a marriage below the age of 25 a lot of people assume your pregnant. I think there is something to say about the divorce rates of generations past compared to now.
Let me clarify. I in no way assume that couples who marry young or soon after meeting are exempt from divorce. Unfortunately we live in a fallen world. I have seen this first hand from my own parents. They married at 18 and had the kind of marriage where divorce never crossed their lips or was even a thought. Then boom, 20 years later my dad fell in temptation and divorce. In his mind, it was the only way out. I am only writing this to shed a light on our reasoning for waiting and if it’s really worth it in the long run.
Ask any couple why they are waiting to get married. The majority will tell you it’s either to finish college, or to save money. Both are good things, but is it worth the expense of not becoming one with the other? People can become to busy making sure that they themselves are successful. They put all their time, energy, and efforts into bringing as much to the table as possible before settling down. The problem with this is that they are building up the self instead of each other. The mentality can quickly become one of his and hers versus this is “ours”.
I’m sure this steps on many toes, but there is something so precious about figuring it out together. If you are blessed enough to find someone fully committed to the Lord then why wait??
God intended on marriage. This is His purpose in order for us to receive many blessings. He says in the Bible where two or three gather in my name, there I am with thee. (Matthew 18:20) If you are following His will then God is the one who joined you together. The proof is in the word… “What God has joined together let no man separate.” We have taken good things such as education and steady jobs and used them to separate us. We convince and deceive ourselves into thinking we know what is best. How often we forget the sovereignty of God and how it is He who directs our steps. We met the person we are supposed to be with at the right time God ordained. This is rather we are 18 or 50. Will we deny the blessings of God by not making a commitment to that person in order to pursue what we deem more important? Or will we embrace this rarity, commit, and receive abundant blessings?
I’m not saying that God doesn’t bless those who wait for marriage or are single. I’m just saying that His promises are just as real now as they were then. I don’t want to deny God of any plan He has for me. I’m sure there are many reading this who think, “Yeah well I got married to someone who claimed they loved the Lord and they changed. How was that a blessing?” My answer is God’s ways are not our ways. I know of a woman recently who gave her testimony. Her God-fearing husband left her and her three small children to fall back into his past addictions. Her testimony is POWERFUL. Her only job at this point is to obey and love the Lord. This is all any of us are expected to do. It says in the Bible, “All things work together for good to those that love the Lord.” Although our ideas of good are not always what God’s ideas of good are. He sees the beginning and end whereas we only see the here and now. My mom is also a beautiful project of God’s goodness and mercy. She is now celebrating her 3 year anniversary.
If any one reading this is in love with that person God has prepared for you since the beginning of time. Marry them! Don’t listen to this world that tries to convince you to separate in order to achieve great things. Grab that man as tight as you can and praise God for Him, the faults and all. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Enjoy them, and watch what God does!
Sharing this with: The Prairie Homestead, A Mama’s story, Raising Arrows, The better Mom, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Heavenly Homemakers, Time Warp Wife, Thankful Homemaker, Mamal Diane, Teaching What is Good, A cat like curiosity, Mom’s the word, conerstone cofessions, A proverbs 31 wife, Some of the best things in life are mistakes, Let this mind be in you, A Wise Woman Builds her home, CSAHM Parenting Linkup, Deep Roots at Home, Graced Simplicity, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, Hope in Every Season, Jill’s Home remedies, Little Natural Cottage, Our simple country Life, Raising Mighty Arrows, The Purposeful Mom, Consider the Lillies, Happy and Blessed Home, Homemaker by Choice, Your Thriving Family, My Joy Filled Life. New Life Steward, Hometead simple, Christian Mommy Blogger, Let this Mind Be in You, Heart Reflected
17 Responses to Why Wait? Part 1 (Marriage)
Hey Y'all! My name is Brittany Styron. Sweet Country Roots is a place I hope to encourage, inspire, and bring a chuckle. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and join conversations about marriage, babies, homeschooling, frugal living, good food, and an old fashioned way of thinking.
This was nice to read, especially since my daughter might be getting married at 18 and all of the “comments” we have had to endure about it.
I support marriage whenever it comes. I’m 28, single and never been married . . . I’m kinda sick of having well-meaning Christians look at me and assume I’m cursed or otherwise be-smirched because no man will have me . . . I’ve learned to deal with my singleness, even though it wasn’t my first choice . . .
By and large, I don’t think the problem with marrying older or prolonging singleness lies with women – but with the man-boys who live, even within the church (again, this is a generalization, there are obviously exceptions). So you’re preaching to the choir. Maybe you could influence your hubs to write a post for young men about why they should get their acts together and marry a good Christian young woman while they’re still young enough to enjoy her – instead of avoiding growing up and manning up into their 30s, all the time chasing skirts – and refusing to look at any Christian young woman who doesn’t meet his worldly standard of beauty.
We women WANT to get married – mostly – it’s the lack of Christian young men that keep us single for much longer than we’d like to be!
(Recently I saw a sermon where the stat was cited that 90% of people will eventually get married. But also that 60% of young people in churches are women, only 40% are men . . . which means, if my math is right, up to 20% of Christian young women are marrying non-Christians . . . and I’m sorry, but I’d rather stay single my whole life than to do that. So again, it’s a lack of good Christian young men to blame, not Christian women).
You make an excellent point.I completely agree with you. Our culture (even in the church) have been giving men the excuse and pacifying them that they are no where ready for marriage until their 30’s. Meanwhile, strong Christian women like yourself are waiting for them to grow up. It all starts with the mothers raising these boys to be providers instead of babying them. Oh girl…Your getting me started:) I will definitely be posting more on this topic. Thank you so very much for your thoughtful input.
LOL! Love it! I for one will be looking forward to it! 🙂
Amy, The person who writes this blog is a family member of mine and I think you have to know her heart to realize where she is coming from. I was married young and went through a divorce at age 25. Her husband is my son. He saw first hand what divorce and being a single parent does to people. When they decided to get married at such a young age, I was not in favor of it. I asked them to wait, but waiting for them would have been the wrong choice. They are two of the most well-adjusted, in love people I know. Brittany is writing from her heart and trying to share her experience with others. She is not slamming anyone for being single. Yes, men do seem to be immature these days. I am not sure if this is a recent trend, but I do know that society does not do them any favors. In the past, they were expected to grow up at 18 and serve their country. They HAD to be mature in order to protect and defend our freedom. Today, kids go to college for 4 years (or more) and when they finish, they come home and live with their parents until the find the “perfect” career. In the past, this was usually not an option. When one left their parents’ home, it was expected that one was mature and ready for the adult world. Personally I don’t think we can blame men. We need to blame our society for enabling our young men and not allowing them to grow up. My son was hired on as a fireman when he was very young and he has done a wonderful job of being a husband and a father. He knew when he got married that the responsibility to excel in those roles was an expectation. He chose not to go to college when he graduated from high school at 17. I preached college to my kids from the time they were very young because I did not have an opportunity to go until I was an older woman. He has done fine without having gone to a earn a 4 year degree. I am very proud of my son. Personally, I agree with Brittany because in my opinion as stated above, it is not the men who are to blame, but societal views in which we have embraced.
I, too,married at 18 and we are coming up n 32 years together. I could have waited and gone to college for 4 years, but chose marriage instead. I still got my degree, and I ALSO got a husband.
I absolutely love this and I’m not afraid to share with anyone that I will be 30 in 2 weeks and I’ve never been married nor have kids. I’m waiting for GOD to send me Mr. Right. My one and only, my Prince, My one true love. I know it will happen and I know it will honestly be worth the wait.
He is out there, Laney, but remember even Mr. Right has flaws and when you get married, it is hard work!
No one is exempt from troubles, no matter what age you get married. I was 18 and 4 months and it has been one heck of a rocky road. But I have been blessed beyond measure that God created Aaron for me and me for him. Isn’t the point of being in a relationship to stay together, long term, to get married? Why not just go ahead and do it?
Your absolutely right!God even uses the rocky times!
Brittany…A thought provoking post with much encouragement. I do agree that long engagements aren’t always necessary. Thank you for sharing at WJIM’s Monday’s Musings. Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Oh…I shared it with my facebook friends. You can find it here: https://www.facebook.com/pages/What-Joy-Is-Mine/330119300360164 🙂
I wanted to comment on a couple of the posts stating that it’s usually the “man-boy” who wants to wait. That’s probably a fair statement. My experience is this: Little girls grow up to be women. Little boys grow up to be big boys.They need someone to teach them how to be a man. That’s a dad’s responsibility. It’s very difficult for a mom to teach her son to be a man; she doesn’t know how to be one herself.
I’m one of 6 sons. My dad, who was a Lutheran pastor, got sick and died when I was 15 years old. My mom’s attempts to teach me how to be a man fell short. I got my “man” learning from other male role models – my football coach and baseball coach, teachers, etc. My mom subsequently remarried (after a 3-month courtship, BTW) and my younger brothers benefited from my stepdad, who was another remarkable role model. I see a huge difference between them and me.I felt like I was partially finished and they were completely finished. My wife and I have had struggles because of what I didn’t know. It’s only through God’s Grace and Jesus’ forgiveness that we have built such a solid, beautiful relationship.
One bit of advice my stepdad gave me was this. We announced our engagement with a wedding date in 18 months. He said to me: “Do you love this woman?” I said yes. He answered “Why are you making her wait?” We were married 9 months later.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You make a great point about mothers not being able to teach their son’s to be men. I have one son now with another on the way. My husband and I have often questioned the way we are raising him compared to our daughters. There is a fine line in treating all of the children equally and yet raising them according to the will of God in their lives based on what gender they are. Despite what society would think, there are major differences. I think, just like you, depending on God’s grace is the only way to do this whole parenting thing. Looks like you were able to take something tragic and make it beautiful with God and your wife’s help!
Matt, I love your input. This is so true! Having been a single mom, working two jobs, and struggling to make ends meet, I surely did not know how to be both parents to my boys. I am so thankful that the Lord brought a wonderful man into my life that took on an instant family. He was not perfect as a dad because he was in his 30s when we were married and it was his first marriage and experience being a father. The point is children need both parents. I realize there are many circumstances like yours where the father dies and this is an unfortunate and painful experience for all concerned. However, there are many situations similar to mine where the man does not want to be responsible. There are many reasons why this situation occurs and as I stated after Amy’s post, I don’t really blame the men. Society has a big influence on our family dynamics. When our grandparents were married, divorce was taboo. Yes, it happened, but it was not thought of as an acceptable practice. Couples learned to fight through their problems and stayed married even when the odds were against them. While I do believe there are some situations that justify divorce, many divorces happen in our society because it is easier to live separately than it is to work through our problems. I commend you for your faith and for marrying the woman you love!
Thanks for linking this up at the Mommy Moments Link Up last week. It was the top viewed post and will be featured in the link up tonight!
I love this! The Holy Spirit actually gave me a very similar revelation a couple of months ago and it wound up as the second chapter (which is also titled Why Wait lol) in the book, Holy MatriMommy, that I have coming out in the spring. Great post 🙂