Feeling Like A Failure
I have always tried to be 100% honest with my writing in hopes to find others that can relate and be encouraged. Here is my attempt on that as well as a description of the heavy heart I had earlier in the week and how God is once again chiseling.
I was on such an adrenalin rush after the birth of my son. It is true what they say about the hormones and the bonding. It was magical. I felt the biggest relief of it just being over…the anticipation, the pain, all of it.
After the first week of healing in my room with my sweet baby, reality started to settle in and the devil started whispering in my weak moments. As I type this I can see what a vicious lyer he is, but in the midst, it’s hard to block him out. I started to hear the word failure over and over. A failure to not heal as quickly as I had hoped, a failure to not be able to take care of my three other children, a failure because I felt the patience I once had was GONE, a failure because I was tired of visitors and people offering to help, a failure because I wasn’t having joy that I know was mine to claim.
This past Monday night the fake smile melted away to some hormonal tears in my room clenching my Bible knowing that time with Him, with shift in perspective was the only way to clear the fog.
I cried out to God in desperation to help me break this cycle of self-pity. Immediate relief came. I know this is not always the case, but in that second it did. I realized something…When I am on top of my game, when I have the patience of Job, when I am in shape and healthy, when I am full of hospitality, when I am juggling all of the many jobs as wife and mother…it not because of me. It is only through Christ when I have it all together. Pressure is off. The devil had one part right, I CANT DO IT! I do know who can. He lives in me with the key to joy unspeakable. He equips me with it all. My job is to trust and walk hand in hand with Him.
The next day I let God help me. What a difference when you don’t rely on your own strength. I am sure to some this may all seem a bit dramatic…the devil is real and is out lurking around to steal what God has given freely to those that love Him. Don’t give him another second of your life by believing the lies, instead hold on to God’s truths. This does not mean every day will be perfect, I am fully aware of this, but I know whose hand to grab to pull me back up.
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11 Responses to Feeling Like A Failure
Hey Y'all! My name is Brittany Styron. Sweet Country Roots is a place I hope to encourage, inspire, and bring a chuckle. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and join conversations about marriage, babies, homeschooling, frugal living, good food, and an old fashioned way of thinking.
I can totally relate! There are times during the day that i cant just shut myself in my room with my bible so i just keep saying ” lord i need you, i cant do this without you, give me strength”. Ill be doing dishes or laundry and just start repeating that little prayer of mine. Just the smallest little prayer can help keep the devil at bay. My advice to you (as a mom of 5) is to not be afraid to give your oldest kids chores and teach them to care for the younger ones. Its surprising how many things young children can do when given responsibility. It also gives them a sense of belonging in the family and pride in what they can do……..best wishes.
That’s great advice! Slowly figuring that out:)
Not dramatic at all. I was feeling the exact same way yesterday. I was driving to work this morning and stopped at a light when my phone alerted me of an email. It was your blog post and the title made me laugh. I thought ‘seriously….every single time I’m feeling defeated and broken, Brittany writes about it.” God is using you my friend.
Wow! That really makes me want to cry again!:) You saying that made my Monday night pity party worth it. So happy to see God’s hand through it all!
Brittany, every mom goes thru this. If they like to admit it or not, we ALL do. I have sat in my closet bible in hand just praying to God for help. I am no where close to being the mother I always dreamed of, but I am the mother God created me to be. Thank you for writing what you do and being honest. We appreciate so much as readers in knowing we are not alone. Keep praying, he is always listening.
I Love that…”but I am the mother God created me to be.” Thank you so much for the encouragement!
Brittany, I too have heard the devil whisper ‘Failure’ over and over. He loves to get us feeling worthless. That is one of his biggest lies. The one that us moms except all too easily. Listen, a loving God created us with a purpose. He knows our strengths and weaknesses, and yet, he still has a plan for us. The farther I make it on this ‘Mom Journey’ the more I realize how important my time is with him, and that he is the Potter that is creating something beautiful….not worthless
Thank you so much for taking time to comment and encourage. Your are sooo right. Looking back it was my time with Him that was lacking, that’s when I felt things were falling apart. BUT He never left me!
Hi Brittany
Best wishes to you in your mothering journey. I can totally relate to your post and I’m thankful that you had the honesty and courage to share it. As a mum who went through post-natal depression after our last two kids, I know that the post-partum period can be a really trying time, if not one of THE most trying times in our life! We have just made the decision to trust God with the possibility of a fourth child, with a little trepidation and a whole lot of faith! Its encouraging to be able to follow someone who is one step ahead…I’m sure I’ll be re-reading these posts in around 9 or so months time 🙂 Be kind to yourself and don’t forget that this is just a season and it passes before we even realise 🙂
I feel like a failure more often than I so a success. I am not proud of my irrational behavior when I am feeling low and I can’t seem to hold things together. At times, life is overwhelming. It seems that the closer we draw to the Lord and share our faith with other, the more the devil whispers in our ear…failure, failure, failure. He even tells me often that no one really cares and that I am all alone in this big, old world. Thanks for the reminder that God is always with us and that when we choose to rely on Him and not listen to the devil’s lies, that we can live more victorious lives.
Sorry for the typos in my comment. I tried to edit, but I guess the post doesn’t allow it.