Stop The Mommy Wars!

image This is the way we can feel when we are in battle with one another:)

At times I feel as though people are all about competition. They are all out to have bigger houses, more money, and more letters behind their name than the person standing next to them. Unfortunately this is also true among us mothers.

 

The competitions are similar with different titles. From the way we educate our children, how many children we have, to breastfeed or not, and rather we work outside the home or not are all judgements we secretly make about one another.

 

I have always hated the sides that mothers take on these four areas. I have always felt that these ongoing wars are a waste of time. After all, aren’t we just all trying to do the best we can with what God has given us?

 

Ok, I’m going to be transparent here…I caught myself making judgments on another mother just this very weekend. I did exactly what I stand against! I didn’t necessarily think anything bad about her. Actually, if someone looked at me and thought I had it all together I would be flattered.

 

Anyways… that’s beside the point!

 

I  saw a beautiful woman with one  beautiful little girl with her at a birthday party the kids and I were attending. I assumed that she thought I was crazy with my crew. I figured her home was peaceful and calm, and that she wasn’t fighting tooth and nail to barely make it to the party on time.

 

I assumed that she was thinking I was one of those weirdos that homeschooled and had lots of kids. Let me tell ya, I was WRONG on every level. Turns out she has a heart for adoption, and has adopted two children so far. Through reading her blog, On Loan From Heaven  I saw that she has experienced infertility and miscarriage as well.

 

This woman whom I thought was thinking I was crazy with my kids has experienced her own heart ache and turned it around to welcome unwanted children and mold it into a beautiful family. I can learn so much from her!

 

Ya see mamas, when we can cut the small talk and speak from our hearts we all have something to learn from each other. We have to remember we are in this together, to raise the next generation for God. I am so guilty of the small talk, even though I hate it! When I talk, others will too and that is where I can learn and grow in this motherhood journey.

 

Now, onto our dumb competitions. I am no better than anyone else because I choose homeschooling. It’s just ridiculous! Do I think it’s the greatest, best thing on earth? Well of course, that’s why I chose it. That is also my opinion. Mothers who send their kids to school also think it is the greatest best thing on earth too. Bottom line, we are all doing what we think is best. What child could have more than their parent’s best interest?

 

The number of children you have in no way makes you a better mom. It does not mean you are more patient, loving, or super sweet when you get woke up in the middle of the night. They are not trophies of accomplishments but rather loaned for God’s purposes. Some how, He always does the miraculous and provides us with exactly what we need to make it through the day. Rather you have one child or twenty.

 

In regards to the whole breastfeeding thing. Of course we know it’s better for mom and baby. There is research everywhere proving that. If you don’t breastfeed, so what! Some try and try and just aren’t able to. To raise an eyebrow at a woman pulling out a bottle is  wrong on every level. At least she’s feeding the baby! So let’s always make things easier for her, rather she is warming formula or trying to keep the baby from pulling off the blanket she is covering herself with.

 

In regard to the working mom. I have seen personally the benefits of staying home with my children, I have also felt the sting in my bank account. No matter how well you are with money, having extra is always a good thing. Some mothers are not able to do this, plain and simple. Their hearts are at home and they love their children but life circumstances keep them from the home. Instead of separating sides and condemning one versus the other, lets encourage! Neither task is easy!

 

The mommy wars and debates will be endless until we take a stand and link our arms. We must shake our fist at the devil who tries to segregate us and reunite with one purpose in mind and one only. TO RAISE THE NEXT GODLY GENERATIONS. Rather they are schooled at home or not, drank from a bottle or not, have siblings, or had their mama home 24/7, that they will be able to stand up against the enemy.

 

To start off my renewed commitment to be as transparent as possible, here is a short list real truths and insecurities going through my head…

  1. I still worry too much of what others think, that’s why I blog so I never have to say anything face to face.
  2. I would love to do public speaking one day to encourage mothers, but I am afraid my red face and stuttering with my knees knocking will keep me from that dream.
  3. Tim and I have committed to letting the Lord give us as many children as He wants.
  4. I worry that my flesh will get in the way when things get tough and I’ll go back on that commitment.
  5. I wonder if my children would rather have nicer things than have me staying home with them.
  6. I get nervous if I’ll lose the baby weight… every time. I obsess about it, but still eat like it’s going out of style.
  7. I would love to write for some of the famous blogs out there, but I lack in confidence or time to pursue it.
  8. At times I feel stretched so thin, I wonder why God has given me these children.
  9. I wonder if I can really educate these kids the way it should be done.

 

I share all of this not to complain, to get sympathy, or to fish for compliments. We all have our own list that need to resurface to bring them all to Christ who can carry every burden we try to lift on our own. Let’s gather together with our long list and put them at the feet of Jesus and end the mama war!

 

 

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24 Responses to Stop The Mommy Wars!

  • pam phillips says:

    You are so precious to me. I got tears in my eyes the last time we talked, and I did it again reading this blog. You have so many strengths, passions, emotions, all built into one purpose…..motherhood. It is a pure and complete joy just to be in the presence of the Spirit that surrounds you!

  • Thank you for these reminders. I have felt judged for bottle feeding my four month old. He was my fourth C-section. Recovery was especially hard, and homeschooling three older children, getting food on the table, laundry done, and trying to keep the house relatively clean – I was slowly losing my mind (and patience) trying to breastfeed. I still feel guilty every time I put formula in my shopping cart. BUT- Guilt is not from God and I will not be defeated by that. Blessings to you!

  • Krista says:

    Love you girl 🙂

  • Sadia says:

    Hear, hear! We each have our own life circumstances, and teaching our children to have understanding and compassion for others’ lives and stories through our own example is not only a gift, but a responsibility. I imagine what a boring world it would be if every family worked exactly the same. We parent our children as individuals, so we should be able to embrace the individuality of every family and every parent too!

    Thank you for speaking out, for looking at your own assumptions critically, and reminding us that we cannot know another person’s story until we ask.

  • Thank you for covering this topic – mommy wars are ridiculous, but I’m guilty of judging other moms, too! It is important for us to be honest with each other and stop putting on the “perfect mommy show” every day. I’m a new(er) mom and motherhood is tough business! We should built each other up and support each other rather than cut each other down…

    I love this. —> “They are not trophies of accomplishments but rather loaned for God’s purposes.”

  • Sunni says:

    Brittany,

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE your transparency! We need this. Women need this, mothers or not. Jesus is relational. We NEED to be relational and real. A story speaks to our hearts, but if we don’t tell them, our testimonies (of struggle, victory, messiness, etc.) will not do what God intends for them. His purpose and plan will of course go forth, but oh to miss out on being a tiny part of His sovereign plan!

    Keep being real and pointing us mamas to Christ. He is our perseverance, truth, and salvation for every aspect of this life we are doing.

    Let’s raise up mighty Christian warriors ready to do the work of the Kingdom in this generation to come…I’m with ya girl!!

    • Brittany says:

      Thank you! Your absolutely right, it’s the stories that speak. If only we can be brave enough to share them. I am slowly figuring out that is what God wants us to do. It all points back to His goodness:)

  • Penny Zeller says:

    Excellent post, Brittany! Why is it that moms are the hardest on other moms? We should all be encouraging each other as we embark on the most awesome and most rewarding (although sometimes the most difficult) “job” in the world.

    Have a blessed week!

  • Thank you for this great reminder. It seems so easy to fall back into the trap of judging others when we should be encouraging instead.

  • Lindsay says:

    I’m not a fan of ‘it was an honor to meet you’… so how about ‘I’m so thankful I had the chance to meet you this weekend!’ Your children are beautiful… I’m so amazed by your strength and determination in home-schooling your precious babies… and you were way braver than me this weekend (I left my crazy toddling boy at HOME) but loved watching how you handled your craziness with grace and still made time to talk to me 🙂 Vulnerability is one of the hardest lessons for women, especially Mama’s to learn… I’m missing some of that in my life right now. Thanks for the reminder that it’s healthy AND helpful to honor God in our transparency! Love you, new friend… anxious to get to know you better 🙂

    • Brittany says:

      Thank you for the encouragement! Your right, being vulnerable is a very hard place to be. God keeps pushing me there:) There are no coincidences, we were meant to be new friends!

  • MommySue says:

    Oh, Oh so true! Thank you for sharing what the Lord has laid on your heart! Just this weekend I was at a Mom’s Retreat and was so discouraged and amazed at “well-meaning” Moms that can make you feel so “less than”. Too sad. Love the line in regard to our children… “they will be able to stand up against the enemy.” Blessings to you dear Sister!

  • Joluise says:

    I work full time and my sons are now adults and no longer live at home. The number of times I’ve read in blogs about working mothers only do it so they can have big holidays, big house, spend up big . Whilst I earn a very good income, we live in a small house, own one car, one TV and only take small holidays. I help out my sons a lot and my husband is now retired and working on a book. People make judgements far too quickly and make assumptions based on their own prejudices.

    And when I say that am blessed because the Lord provided me with a job that works well with my family it’s just not believed. Mothers should be far kinder to each other.

    Blessings

  • Bonnie Way says:

    Totally agree with you! I keep saying that each of us as parents has to make the best choice for OUR family – and it might look different than the best choice for YOUR family, because our families are unique! In fact, the choices we make for each child might even be different, because each child is different. And I’ve had tons of moms tell me “I couldn’t do what you do” — well, I know lots of moms to whom I could say the same thing! We each have the reality of our life and what God has handed us, and it might look crazy or beautiful or hectic or whatever – but it’s ours and there’s no need to compare. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  • Sara says:

    I recently wrote a piece about this. What is so sad is that we’re all doing it as a reflection of struggling with our own insecurities. It’s such a tricky thing to realize!

  • Rain says:

    Okay… I just have to say, I feel like you are judging adopted kids as being “unwanted” by their biological parents though. There are plenty of teenage girls who are forced by family to give up their child at birth. There are plenty of people who had an unplanned pregnancy and was overjoyed when they found out, only to realize that they couldn’t possibly give their child the care they need because of financial issues (in THEIR opinion at least), they could be giving a kid a better life by letting someone else have him or her. So. If you are trying not to judge mothers… Please do not judge adopted children’s biological mothers…

    • Brittany says:

      I want to sincerely apologize. I would never want to offend you or anyone else. However, this is not a judgement toward adopted children’s biological mothers. Honestly, it’s more of a lack of education on my part. I have never personally walked with someone through the adoption process on either end, so forgive me for not using the correct terminology as far as the children go.

  • I love your post!!! I posted one a few months back called “Be constructive, not destructive.” The competition between has to stop. Think of how much we can build each other up..instead of tearing each other down. This article was such an encouragement to me.
    Also, I too have experienced being judged for only have two children. What people don’t know is…I had a stroke, I’m still on meds and it was preeclampsia/eclampsia that led to my health condition. I feel joyful because the Lord blessed us with two wonderful daughters after years of infertility issues. Maybe the Lord is preparing our hearts for adoption or something along the way…where only two kiddos will help us deal with the situation. I have no idea, but I do know there’s a reason why he shut my womb and my husband feels the same way.

  • Kathi says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. It’s not easy to be so transparent. Thank you for linking up with the HomeAcre Hop; please join us again this Thursday.

  • This is an excellent post, Brittany. I have also done this very thing and had to find out the truth of another’s circumstances! Thank you for your authenticity.

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Hey Y'all! My name is Brittany Styron. Sweet Country Roots is a place I hope to encourage, inspire, and bring a chuckle. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and join conversations about marriage, babies, homeschooling, frugal living, good food, and an old fashioned way of thinking.

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