Stop The Mommy Wars!
At times I feel as though people are all about competition. They are all out to have bigger houses, more money, and more letters behind their name than the person standing next to them. Unfortunately this is also true among us mothers.
The competitions are similar with different titles. From the way we educate our children, how many children we have, to breastfeed or not, and rather we work outside the home or not are all judgements we secretly make about one another.
I have always hated the sides that mothers take on these four areas. I have always felt that these ongoing wars are a waste of time. After all, aren’t we just all trying to do the best we can with what God has given us?
Ok, I’m going to be transparent here…I caught myself making judgments on another mother just this very weekend. I did exactly what I stand against! I didn’t necessarily think anything bad about her. Actually, if someone looked at me and thought I had it all together I would be flattered.
Anyways… that’s beside the point!
I saw a beautiful woman with one beautiful little girl with her at a birthday party the kids and I were attending. I assumed that she thought I was crazy with my crew. I figured her home was peaceful and calm, and that she wasn’t fighting tooth and nail to barely make it to the party on time.
I assumed that she was thinking I was one of those weirdos that homeschooled and had lots of kids. Let me tell ya, I was WRONG on every level. Turns out she has a heart for adoption, and has adopted two children so far. Through reading her blog, On Loan From Heaven I saw that she has experienced infertility and miscarriage as well.
This woman whom I thought was thinking I was crazy with my kids has experienced her own heart ache and turned it around to welcome unwanted children and mold it into a beautiful family. I can learn so much from her!
Ya see mamas, when we can cut the small talk and speak from our hearts we all have something to learn from each other. We have to remember we are in this together, to raise the next generation for God. I am so guilty of the small talk, even though I hate it! When I talk, others will too and that is where I can learn and grow in this motherhood journey.
Now, onto our dumb competitions. I am no better than anyone else because I choose homeschooling. It’s just ridiculous! Do I think it’s the greatest, best thing on earth? Well of course, that’s why I chose it. That is also my opinion. Mothers who send their kids to school also think it is the greatest best thing on earth too. Bottom line, we are all doing what we think is best. What child could have more than their parent’s best interest?
The number of children you have in no way makes you a better mom. It does not mean you are more patient, loving, or super sweet when you get woke up in the middle of the night. They are not trophies of accomplishments but rather loaned for God’s purposes. Some how, He always does the miraculous and provides us with exactly what we need to make it through the day. Rather you have one child or twenty.
In regards to the whole breastfeeding thing. Of course we know it’s better for mom and baby. There is research everywhere proving that. If you don’t breastfeed, so what! Some try and try and just aren’t able to. To raise an eyebrow at a woman pulling out a bottle is wrong on every level. At least she’s feeding the baby! So let’s always make things easier for her, rather she is warming formula or trying to keep the baby from pulling off the blanket she is covering herself with.
In regard to the working mom. I have seen personally the benefits of staying home with my children, I have also felt the sting in my bank account. No matter how well you are with money, having extra is always a good thing. Some mothers are not able to do this, plain and simple. Their hearts are at home and they love their children but life circumstances keep them from the home. Instead of separating sides and condemning one versus the other, lets encourage! Neither task is easy!
The mommy wars and debates will be endless until we take a stand and link our arms. We must shake our fist at the devil who tries to segregate us and reunite with one purpose in mind and one only. TO RAISE THE NEXT GODLY GENERATIONS. Rather they are schooled at home or not, drank from a bottle or not, have siblings, or had their mama home 24/7, that they will be able to stand up against the enemy.
To start off my renewed commitment to be as transparent as possible, here is a short list real truths and insecurities going through my head…
- I still worry too much of what others think, that’s why I blog so I never have to say anything face to face.
- I would love to do public speaking one day to encourage mothers, but I am afraid my red face and stuttering with my knees knocking will keep me from that dream.
- Tim and I have committed to letting the Lord give us as many children as He wants.
- I worry that my flesh will get in the way when things get tough and I’ll go back on that commitment.
- I wonder if my children would rather have nicer things than have me staying home with them.
- I get nervous if I’ll lose the baby weight… every time. I obsess about it, but still eat like it’s going out of style.
- I would love to write for some of the famous blogs out there, but I lack in confidence or time to pursue it.
- At times I feel stretched so thin, I wonder why God has given me these children.
- I wonder if I can really educate these kids the way it should be done.
I share all of this not to complain, to get sympathy, or to fish for compliments. We all have our own list that need to resurface to bring them all to Christ who can carry every burden we try to lift on our own. Let’s gather together with our long list and put them at the feet of Jesus and end the mama war!