Why I Hope My Children Marry Young

children marry young

 

I was in my chiropractor’s office when he asked how old my husband and I were when we got married. I told him we were at the young age of 18 years old. I could sense relief in his voice as he went on to explain the reason he was asking. His oldest son is 2o and his new bride is 17. They were just married last month. He explained how he encouraged his son to wait until he was through with college, but all his son would say was, “Why wait Dad?”  He went on to say that his son and new wife had no idea what they were doing.

 

I’m sure this sounds crazy, but I truly believe that them not knowing what they are doing is an awesome thing…they shouldn’t know what they are doing. That is the point, to figure it out together.  To fully rely on each other is such a beautiful thing. No strings attached, no remembrance of what single life was like. I believe that God wants His people to marry and bear children.

 

It is the perfect example and picture of God’s relationship with the church. We often get caught up in the details of when someone is “ready” to get married.  There is no “ready” and there is no “knowing what you’re doing.” It is about relying on God, cleaving to your spouse, making memories, and figuring out all of the fun stuff and the hard stuff.

 

Our worldly perspective has it all wrong about the criteria one must meet before marriage and what makes it successful. According to custom, I should be between 25 and 28 years old before I marry. This would give me time for my four-year degree, a good year or so to find my dream job, then another five years to aggressively pursue my career and explore who I am.  Once all these are in place, society tells me it’s okay to get married. I am told to have the most expensive wedding you can, after all it’s your day. You’ve worked hard all these years, you deserve it. The common problem here is that it’s all about the individual. (This isn’t all couples. I am making a generalization of the world.)

 

Take the opposite. This would be looked down upon. Two people brand new to adult hood, just finished high school, living at home, decide to get married. They have no money to their name, no successful career to fall back on, no bank accounts (except an envelope), or time to figure themselves out. They jump in and hold tightly to each other in this new territory. Sink or swim as they figure out a budget, how to cook, how to do laundry, how to get good paying jobs, and how to love each other. The world sees this as ignorant and irresponsible. What God joins together He says is good…end of story…

 

As my children grow up I don’t ever want to follow the normal trend of how we speak to them about marriage. I want it to be about God’s perfect timing, not ours. I want to teach them to always be ready for the next step God wants them to take in full obedience, even if the rest of the world thinks they are crazy. My husband and I will have their back and watch from afar as they enter into one of the greatest relationships God created.

 

What about you? Would you want your children to marry young?

 

photo credit by Pixabay

 

 

 

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32 Responses to Why I Hope My Children Marry Young

  • ChristyH says:

    Wow!! this is so encouraging! My daughter will mostly be getting married next year…after she turns 18. Her young man, who is in the military, has already called to ask for her. We have had several “concerned” friends, even from church. It took me awhile but I am now really behind the whole doing it “together”. I think it will draw them closer together. Thank you for such an encouraging post.

    • Heather says:

      I met my husband in the fall of my junior year of high school and we were married the fall just after I graduated. I was 18 and he had just turned 19. He completed his first year in the military while I finished up high school. The majority of people, even our family members, thought we were getting married too young and believed it was because we had been “irresponsible” and “immoral”. (They thought he had knocked me up, to put it bluntly.) We waited five years before having any children, mostly so that he would be finished with his military tour and wouldn’t miss anything during deployments. We became adults together, chose careers together, went to college together. (I only made it through two years before the babies came but he completed his bachelor’s.) We’ve been through broke times, a foreclosure, multiple jobs, 16 houses. It hasn’t always been an easy road but when one of us got tired, we always knew the other would be there to carry us both. We’ve considered every step of the journey to be an adventure and greeted whatever happened with optimism, laughter, and determination. Now we’ve been married nearly 12 years. We have three children and another on the way. We are each other’s best friend. We grew up together and look forward to growing old together. It will be a challenge for your daughter and her future husband, but one well worth it.

  • Madaline says:

    Love this. And I totally agree. I live here in Italy where most people wait until late 30’s early 40’s and the divorce rate has actually climbed. I met my husband not so young (at 24) and we married really quickly there after – we’ve gotten to build everything together and it makes it all feel that much more “ours”.

  • Lindsey says:

    Well said! I totally agree! Thanks for putting this out into the universe:) I got married at (barely) 20, to my first real boyfriend, and he was 22. My parents had a royal cow. Seven years later I still know it was the best decision I ever made (and my parent’s do too! by the way). God had a plan for us, and we followed it. Now whenever people start talking about how crazy and foolish ‘kids’ are when they hear they are getting married ‘so young’ I always stand up for them. If we had followed what the world, and even my parents, wanted for us, I wouldn’t have the amazing relationship I do with my husband today or our fantastic two little girls. We’ve had an amazing chance to grow together in our early adulthood, to figure out together what’s important to us, and to figure out together how we want to live this thing called life. I’ve still been able to take the typical journey of discovering myself like all people do in their early twenties, but I haven’t been alone. Through the good and the hard, we’ve had each other. And that’s a beautiful gift to a young person. So I’m with you, I will be encouraging my kids to follow their hearts and trust God. Not convention.

  • Joanne Viola says:

    We also married young & have never regretted it. We have always felt we built our life together every step of the way. And now can enjoy our married children & our young grandchildren 🙂 Glad to be your neighbor this morning at Moms the Word!

  • Rachel G says:

    I think it’s a great blessing to meet the person you want to marry at a very young age. I got married at 19–my husband, however, was 26 when we married, I guess he had to wait a little while for me to (literally!) grow up. Not everyone gets the chance to marry at a very young age–my younger sister is turning 21 and she would like to be married already but the right guy has yet to come her way. I definitely agree with “once you know, why wait?” It’s fun to grow up together with your spouse–and marriage doesn’t automatically mean you can’t be educated if you want to be, either. I was a junior in college when we got married and easily finished up my degree.

  • Michal says:

    I like the encouraging things you had to say here. My daughter and Son-in-law just got married 2 years ago. I’m so proud of the life they are building together, with Christ as the cornerstone of their marriage and family. I shared this with some people on Facebook. Hope you don’t mind. God bless.

  • Elisabeth says:

    I think it’s the attitude of “sink or swim we’re in this together with Christ” that makes more of the difference than the age. I don’t know that I “hope” my children marry young… so much so as I won’t be concerned if they do. But if it takes longer for the Lord to bring them across the path of the person who they will be able to cleave to in that way… I won’t be upset by that, either.

    My oldest is 21 and unmarried. And yes, I am encouraging her to use this time to get her education out of the way. Not to replace a possible marriage but because, well, she needs to do SOMETHING during this time and she’s preparing for a career that she will be able to use out of her home once she has children. I met my husband at work and one of the things I loved about him was his work ethic. That’s not something I would have easily have had the opportunity to see otherwise!

    My next oldest is 18 and working very hard because he wants to be in a position to support his future wife. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t end up engaged in the next couple of years (and the girl in question is one whom I absolutely adore) and both of them are very, very frugal and would not be doing an “it’s all about me” thing for the wedding or anything else… but they are both also very practical young people. As each are the second oldest of eight children (but both the oldest of their gender) and both families are faith filled… I have no worries that they would postpone their wedding for any selfish reason.

    I do love the mindsets that you point out… age isn’t really the determining factor in success… it’s attitude and commitment!!

    If you felt like linking this up at http://lifehacks101.com/faith-hacks-link-up-party-week-1/ I would be so honored.

  • Gentle Joy says:

    This is an interesting perspective – good food for thought. Thank you for posting this. 🙂

  • Rebekah says:

    My husband and I were both 20 when we got married. We were both still in college and while several people encouraged us to wait until at least I graduated (1 year), we had many great examples telling us that it was okay to go ahead and get married. I have no doubt that it was the right decision for us, looking back. We were given a lot of great advice as we were trying to decide whether or not to wait, but some advice that I love was “Why should you wait? The only reason anyone could give us was financial, but we are both very frugal and money was never a problem. (Also the concern that I would get pregnant and drop out of school, but that wasn’t really a concern for us) There are a lot more reasons to go ahead and get married once you know it’s the right person – assuming, of course, that you have the attitude that this is a LIFETIME committment, no matter what, and that you are mature enough to stick it out, even during the times when it is rough. I think that is really the best predictor of divorce, not the age that you marry.

  • Susie says:

    AMEN!! My husband and I married very young-I had just turned 16 and he was 19. No-I wouldn’t recommend it to just anyone, but because of my family situation, it was the right time. We met when I was just 7 and our families were the best of friends. We spent the first year of our marriage almost completely in each others company-we only had one set of married friends. It taught us to depend on each other and God to work things out and learn to be the person that the other needed. We found out we were pregnant on our first anniversary! We’ve had our ups and downs-but have never considered the D word! God put us together and we are very thankful to Him for our love. We have 7 grandchildren now and will celebrate our 35th anniversary in September. God is in control and will send that perfect mate to us when He sees fit! God Bless you all!

  • Tara says:

    What a great perspective. My husband and I met at 16 but didn’t marry until I was 27 and he was 28. Our families each encouraged us to pursue our own interests, college, etc. which we both did. We’ve now been married 12 years. As we’ve grown in our relationship and our walk with the Lord we have come to realize that the values that were encouraged in us by each of our families were selfish and worldly ones. Neither of our families of origin are Christian. We have long talks about what we want for our own children and how to prepare them for adult life. Even at our older ages getting married we were poorly “prepared” for marriage because we’d been taught and encouraged to live selfishly and had only each witnessed this type of marriage. We want our children to have a heart for the Lord. If they feel called to marry young then I will certainly celebrate this with joy and thanksgiving. I would never encourage my children to wait like we did. We lost so much time in selfish pursuits that, looking back, mean little to nothing compared to the love and joy of our family.

  • Rebecca says:

    I couldn’t agree more because I was 26 when I married. I already had a career, a house of my own, and a TON of baggage to cart along. Had I married my husband when we first met, at 18, we would have been much “better off” even though we had NOTHING, we would have built it together.
    I wish the same for our children…to marry young and avoid all the earthly pitfalls my husband and I encountered in the pursuit of “being ready for marriage”.

  • I completely agree … it really isn’t the age they marry at, but the attitude they have to marriage. They need to know that marriage is for life. Full stop …. Growing together is part of the fun/trials … I reckon two ‘older’ adults can find it much harder in marriage because they have become so ‘individual’ and set in their ways etc…
    Anne x

  • What a breath of fresh air!
    I’m beaming with happiness after reading your words.

  • Amanda Collins says:

    Hi!

    I was 18 when I was married to my 20 year old husband. We’ve now been married for 14 years and don’t regret marrying early one little bit. We have grown up together and it has only made us stronger. I would be happy if my three girls found God’s chosen mate for them and followed the same path. Lovely post, thank you. New follower.

  • Hannah Diane says:

    I just got married in May, and I am 19. My husband is 23. We’re wanting to raise a new generation for the Lord….I encourage young people to get married when it’s the Lord’s time. Nothing wrong getting married young! 🙂

  • Mrsknif says:

    My husband and I got married when he was 20 and I was 18. We had family members actually weeping and saying we were ruining our lives. 19 years and 10 kids later they are singing a different tune 😉

  • Abby Jo says:

    My husband and I married young,I was seventeen and he was twenty. My parents supported us fully! They married young too. This November we will be married seventeen years, my parents will married thirty five years. We learned so much together, and I love him more now than when it all started. We just had our sixth child and life is good! Good article.
    – Abby Jo @ Forgotten Way Farms.com

  • Jill says:

    On the other hand, sometimes good things really do come to those who wait.

    My husband and I married at 34 and 39 and I don’t regret it. I’m glad I had time to earn a degree and work in some great industries. My husband was grateful for the time to travel on a whim. We both feel blessed that we had enough time to build up our savings and have financial freedom as a married couple. The “holding hands and jumping in” that you write about is a pretty image – but many young people today just don’t have that kind of maturity.

    As a single person, I turned the question of marriage over to God very early on. I firmly believe that it was His plan that I not meet my husband until later in my life. My children are my greatest blessings and I don’t take my marriage for granted for a bit – – because I had to wait so long for them.

    Please don’t feel disappointed if your children marry later – – keep in mind that this may just be God’s plan for them!

    • Brittany says:

      You are right about that! As long as you are following God’s will then age does not matter, rather young or old. The point I was trying to get across was that if God has revealed the person you are meant to be with then don’t put off marriage thinking it will be easier down the road. His ways are not our ways, it may be later in life before He puts that person in our path. Thank you for sharing:)

  • Jenny says:

    I feel a little torn on this topic. I married my husband when I was 22, which was young in my circle. (At 30, most of my girlfriends still arent married!) My husband spent many years as a missionary, and didnt go back to school until he was 34 for his law degree. It was INCREDIBLY hard to have a baby and a husband in law school, and no family anywhere near to help us. Now he is out of school and working, but doesnt make much at all in his entry level job. I find myself wishing we had been more financially stable before starting a family. It makes life so much harder to have no support system for me, and no means to hire any paid help to give me a little break. I suppose my conclusion is that family support is crucial to young couples– it’s so hard to have so many responsibilities but no resources to help you.

  • Michelle says:

    Thankyou so much for the boldness of this article. I too married very young. I was 17 and my husband 19. We have been married 28 yrs, we’ve raised 3 children ( all married young) & now have 4 precious grandchildren with more to come i pray.God’s will IS to marry and have children. Marriage is hard work at any age but so worth the commitment! !

  • Jenny Adams says:

    My mom and dad got married young and I did too—I was 20, my hubby 21, just graduated college. I wouldn’t say that everyone *ought to* get married at such a young age, but if you both have a Godly foundation in common, you probably have a better chance of making it than others. You have to start into it with the idea that this is the one marriage you’re going to have, and look forward to growing old together. We did just like you said—we jumped in with no money and figured it out as we went along. Our families supported us. My mom told me one time after we were married that she thought that people often passed up good opportunities for a mate because everyone said that they were “too young.” I agree. It’s not for everyone—-I think some people are not mature enough and very selfish at this age—-but maybe getting married forces you to be less selfish if you’re doing it right!

  • Miranda says:

    I’m 17. I wish I could marry young. My parents tell me that. I have to go to college first and get a degree to have a job in case my husband leaves me.

    • Faith says:

      You can get a degree and job while marrying young. It is hard but not impossible. I’m 20, a young mom, getting married in May, and STILL am going to college to get a degree. They may not approve at that moment in time, but when they see and know you are happy it changes things. Believe me. If they truly love you and want the best for you, they will accept when you find happiness and decide to keep it by your side forever.

  • Amy says:

    Well, I have a different opinion than most that have commented. My husband and I are fully devoted followers of Christ and if our daughter decides to marry young we will be happy and pray diligently that her lifes goes smoothly. My husband and I had our careers and were pretty financially stable when we married in our mid twenties. However, I have two friends that followed the fall in love and get married young road. Both women had no formal education past high school and depended solely on the husband. Both husbands died, one in a tragic car accident and one to a brain tumor. They left behind wives and children and no financial security. These women have no way of supporting their families and are on goverment assistance. I know that if something happens to my husband tomorrow as devastating as it will be, I don’t have to worry about who will take care of us, because I can.

  • Debbie Buckley says:

    I got married at 19, husband was 25, and 3 kids and 28 years later we are still going strong. Of course there are good and bad times but with God you can get through anything. We were engaged 6 weeks after we met and married a little over a year later. When it’s God’s plan you know it and go with it, no matter what age….

  • Faith says:

    My fiance and I are young. I am 20 and he is soon going to be 19. We will finally be getting married next May. I have NEVER seen myself waiting until I was in my late 20’s or so to get married. We have been together over four years now and work together. We aren’t proud of everything thing we have done, but we can say God gave us an AMAZING little boy that we love more than life itself. I’ve heard comments that our lives were over and that we wouldn’t be able to finish college or stay together, but we’ve made things work. We are both in college; he works while I take care of our son and home. I couldn’t imagine life without him and like not having the ability to compare everything to him. I wouldn’t change a thing in my life. By deciding to break away from society’s appropriate age to marry, I am happy and excited about planning a simple wedding. God has blessed me, and I remember it every day.

  • Ellen Irish says:

    A very fascinating read! I am 17 with no prospects but I have dreamed of marrying young. I’ll be finishing high school and then working online to get a college degree. I’m figuring that, on the chance I don’t get married, I’ll be able to support myself, and even if I do get married, a degree might be useful at some point in the future. Learning to be satisfied no matter what happens-it’s all in God’s plan!! 🙂


Hey Y'all! My name is Brittany Styron. Sweet Country Roots is a place I hope to encourage, inspire, and bring a chuckle. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and join conversations about marriage, babies, homeschooling, frugal living, good food, and an old fashioned way of thinking.

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