Momma’s Going Back To Work

Tonight is the night I go back to work the first time after having my fourth baby boy. I am a nurse and work the night shift on a cardiac floor. Through many sacrifices in our family we have planned for me to only work 2-3 nights a month. I’m in love with my new schedule, but it doesn’t seem to slow down emotions running throughout my heart.

I hear voices all around saying…You should want to get away. This will be a nice break. You can make more money. It gets easier. They won’t even know your gone. You will be free. This is what everyone does. Don’t cry, this is your career.

The truth is…I HAVE cried today about leaving this sweet baby boy. I feel like a coward because this should be easy after 3 other babies I have had to leave. I should be thankful I don’t have to leave every morning. I don’t want to get away. I don’t want money more than memories. I am not free.

This is where my little rant begins… The guilt, the feeling of your heart being torn apart is there for a reason. God designed women this way. I am supposed to be with this baby physically to feed him and emotionally. Then you have the feminist in the background roaring… telling you to toughen up, get back out there, it will get easier. When it never truly gets easier we just slowly give in to the lies and accept it because that is what everyone else is doing.

Unfortunately, I can not stay home tonight and nurse my baby to sleep and be there in the middle of the night when he awakens to be rocked and soothed. Nevertheless, I will put a smile on my face and show my children how to put your best foot forward and do things you don’t always want to do. However, I refuse to be made to feel guilty for feelings of yearning for my family, of wanting to fix them supper, tuck them in to bed, and fix them breakfast the next morning. That is where my heart is, as it should be.

For all those mammas out there today working hard outside the home, don’t ever feel ashamed for leaving your heart at home. Don’t ever feel bad for dreaming of the day you can be with your children all day. Don’t ever feel bad for wanting to go without so they can have their momma. This was all apart of God’s design. Tell all those feminist who insist you will feel free once you walk out of your home that they are wrong. True freedom is following your calling no matter how crazy it seems.

I encourage any momma out there who is feeling that calling on your life to stay home with your babies to raise them and love on them, don’t feel ashamed and cry out to God! He will hear you and help you find a way to make it happen. It may not be easy, but whatever He has called you to He will equip you to do it.

We are slowly on this journey ourselves. We can all get there together. What are your thoughts on this subject? I know it can be a touchy one.