Momma’s Going Back To Work
Tonight is the night I go back to work the first time after having my fourth baby boy. I am a nurse and work the night shift on a cardiac floor. Through many sacrifices in our family we have planned for me to only work 2-3 nights a month. I’m in love with my new schedule, but it doesn’t seem to slow down emotions running throughout my heart.
I hear voices all around saying…You should want to get away. This will be a nice break. You can make more money. It gets easier. They won’t even know your gone. You will be free. This is what everyone does. Don’t cry, this is your career.
The truth is…I HAVE cried today about leaving this sweet baby boy. I feel like a coward because this should be easy after 3 other babies I have had to leave. I should be thankful I don’t have to leave every morning. I don’t want to get away. I don’t want money more than memories. I am not free.
This is where my little rant begins… The guilt, the feeling of your heart being torn apart is there for a reason. God designed women this way. I am supposed to be with this baby physically to feed him and emotionally. Then you have the feminist in the background roaring… telling you to toughen up, get back out there, it will get easier. When it never truly gets easier we just slowly give in to the lies and accept it because that is what everyone else is doing.
Unfortunately, I can not stay home tonight and nurse my baby to sleep and be there in the middle of the night when he awakens to be rocked and soothed. Nevertheless, I will put a smile on my face and show my children how to put your best foot forward and do things you don’t always want to do. However, I refuse to be made to feel guilty for feelings of yearning for my family, of wanting to fix them supper, tuck them in to bed, and fix them breakfast the next morning. That is where my heart is, as it should be.
For all those mammas out there today working hard outside the home, don’t ever feel ashamed for leaving your heart at home. Don’t ever feel bad for dreaming of the day you can be with your children all day. Don’t ever feel bad for wanting to go without so they can have their momma. This was all apart of God’s design. Tell all those feminist who insist you will feel free once you walk out of your home that they are wrong. True freedom is following your calling no matter how crazy it seems.
I encourage any momma out there who is feeling that calling on your life to stay home with your babies to raise them and love on them, don’t feel ashamed and cry out to God! He will hear you and help you find a way to make it happen. It may not be easy, but whatever He has called you to He will equip you to do it.
We are slowly on this journey ourselves. We can all get there together. What are your thoughts on this subject? I know it can be a touchy one.
5 Responses to Momma’s Going Back To Work
Hey Y'all! My name is Brittany Styron. Sweet Country Roots is a place I hope to encourage, inspire, and bring a chuckle. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and join conversations about marriage, babies, homeschooling, frugal living, good food, and an old fashioned way of thinking.
I understand the guilt and sadness you’re feeling. I have been working at home for the last 10 months. We really need my income and it is my dream job. I get to stay at home and only work about 2-3 hours a day 4 or 5 days a week, and yet I still feel guilty. It’s a lie for me to feel like I’m not doing enough. I could put my kids in school and work all day every day and never see them except in the evenings. I should not feel bad one bit, but I still do. I want to be there for them every second, but my time working is so fulfilling that it feeds my soul so that I’m a better mom when i’m with them. You may find that to be true for you. As much as we adore being with our kids it really is therapeutic to have a moment away to do something else. Blessings on your transition my Dear!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You understand my heart!! I do not work outside the home because I want to, but because I have to. Thank you, Brittany, for understanding and reminding me that I’m not alone, that other mommas feel the same struggle between desiring to be at home and the necessity of earning a paycheck. You have lifted my heart this morning!
I have worked outside the home pretty much my entire adult life. I have three children 25, 21, and 6. As I am now in my 40’s, I feel a longing for the simpler things and have grown alot in my faith. My future soon will change, and although my child at home is 6 and in school full time, I have always longed to be at home. This too shall be a big transition but it is where I am being led. Many will look at me as if I lost my mind, but that’s ok. I will delve into the Word and make memories with my daughter and husband to replace the fears. I applaud you for sharing you view.
Aww, I’m glad you feel that way and hope your feelings will never change. NOT that I want you to be miserable, of course(!), but it’s so precious for your children to know their mum LOVES being with them and hates to leave them. I loved reading this…. Just because circumstances mean you have to go out, I hope your precious children will always know *they* would be your first choice 🙂
I love your momma’s heart <3
Anne x
Brittany, my heart goes out to you. God has placed that desire to be a mother to your children within you. I was always the same way. It was emotionally brutal for me to have to work and leave my kids because I always felt that while they needed some time away from me for their social development and my sanity, I did not want someone else spending more time with my kids than I did! It just never seemed fair to me that society says you should have kids and them leave them with other people and go off to have a career without missing a beat. We made a lot of sacrifices for me to work as little as possible mostly because Jim knew my heart was at home. It has left us older without a lot of savings and still working our way out of debt, but I still don’t regret the time I spent at home taking care of the most precious gift I was ever given…my kids! Honestly, I still struggle with working and I am an empty nester. I love being the home maker and taking care of my family! I miss having my kids at home and would go back in time in a skinny minute to when they were all at home with me if that were possible. I miss spending quality time with my kids. I think that when God calls you to be a mom and that is truly your calling, that other things will always feel unnatural, even when your kids are all grown up and don’t need you as much. Hang in there! I applaud you for loving them so much! I am blessed to have a daughter-in-law who cares so deeply for her husband and children!